K-One FAQ
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-  Why is your house called K-One?
-  What _is_ K-One? Why do you have a web page?
-  How do you know when your lawn needs cutting?
-  What is 'Green' and how do you make it?
-  How do I train a homing fish?
-  What is a breadcake?
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-  Why is your house called K-One?

      It was nothing to do with us. When we moved in there was a sign 
      on the wall. It's such a nice sign (it has Puffins on it and 
      everthing) that we decided not to change it.


-  How do you know when your lawn needs cutting?
   
      When you see a squirrel *hiding* in it.

-  What _is_ K-One? Why do you have a web page?
      
      K-One is a house. It houses some geeks. Check the main page for 
      their pictures and homepages. The geeks are fond of computers
      and techie gadgety stuff. 

      They have a web page so they can share their lives and stories
      with the world at large. Plus having a web page is essential
      geek stuff.


-  What is 'Green' and how do you make it?

      Green is a nasty, foul tasting substance first made when the 
      K-One residents lived in Southsea. It is loosely based on Guacamole

      Preperation:
        - Chop an onion into large lumps
        - Cut up a couple of cloves of garlic
        - Vaguely take a knife to a couple of chilli peppers
        - Mush up a bunch of avacodos
        - Mix, serve with Pringles and clothes pegs.


-  How do I train a homing fish?

       Training a fish to 'home', or return to a certain place is difficult, but can be
       achieved in 3 short weeks. First you need to encourage a friend of a K-One inmate
       to fillet a medium-sized fish as part of a cooking competition. He should put
       some random, spare portion of fish in the just-emptied bin. IMPORTANT: the fish
       should not be wrapped in anything.

       When the day arrives for the bins to be emptied by the council, the fish will stick,
       limpet-like, to the bottom of your bin. You will know that all is going according to
       plan when your neighbour informs you that your bin "smells like it has some 
       fish-gone-bad in it" and "you'd better clean that before you get bluebottles".

       Because the sailor friend has now gone home / sailed away on a pea green boat,
       the resident responsible for the sailor friend needs to clean out the bin.
       This should be done with a diluted bleachy, Flashy substance. The bleachy water,
       complete with dislodged lump of fish should be emptied over a corner of your garden.

       The next week, Roo will find the stinking, rotting fish-corpse and try to dispose
       of it properly - with a bin bag - without vomiting. This week when the bins are
       due to be put out: forget. The fish will *not* be a homing fish if you just throw it
       away.

       Now you have a totally rotten, weapons-grade dead homing fish residing forever in
       your wheely bin. Do not try to get rid of it any more. It is futitle.


-  What is a breadcake
  
       It's Northern for roll. It should always be pronounced with a strong Sheffield
       accent.


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